Sunday, September 20, 2009

..... Wildcard!

First off, congrats to the Useless Chick for retaining the belt in impressive fashion. You are truly a shit show and should be proud. As for the Wildcard ........ I don't even know what to say to you. Wildcard has been living in absolute filth. His room literally smells like a locker room. Every time I walk past it I can't wait till I'm downstairs so that the smell of filth and stale beer can comfort my nostrils. I feel that I have to stress the smell because it is so shockingly bad. It smells like he's bottled up James Gandolfini's ass crack sweat, let it ferment, drank it, and then puke it up all over his room. His room is litered with empty pizza boxes, tins of dip, and cigarretts. Not to mention the piles of dirty clothes that have been spread around his room as if a tornado came through. I think the only way to clean his room is to burn it down and just start over.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

21

Enough Said right? Apparently not because I'm going to blog about it now. Yesterday started out real bad because I did really bad on my Finance test and heard about how Kayne West was being a doucebag again, but soon changed in my favor (or demise). I went to Arrow with Wild Card and was amazed at all the treats available for my taking. I bought two types of vodka and they are delicious. Red Lobsters was amazing, but 70 shrimp made me sleepy and not able to drink.... at first. Slowly the feeling of fullness left as the feeling of drunkiness overwhelmed me. I was strong at the house winning 4 consecutive beer pong games and drinking 2 shots. I was a little drunk, but I knew I wouldn't stop there. Bargos: Irish carbomb, Washington apple, Soco amaretto and lime, Bud lite, Bartender's choice shot, and another 1 or 2 shots. I'm glad the muscle and wild card went out with me, but the brains really lived up to his name by studying (fag) and the useless chick was once again being useless (enough said). I dominated the dance floor that doesn't exist at Bargos and when I was finished there was a shot waiting for me. I DRANK IT ALL! not good though because after that I casually proceded to the bathroom to do work. When I came out, BC magically appeared out of no where and made a play by taking me home. The brains and useless chick were waiting for my arrival with water and it was good. All was good and turning 21 should happen at least once every year for everyone.

Looks
P.S. (just thought this was funny so I'm going to share). I heard the brains got his name, not by being smart, but by actually giving good brain! (just throwing that out there)

Friday, September 11, 2009

Flip Cup

Never ever underestimate the number of people that can show up to a flip cup tournament. You might expect 25 teams of 4 people....... but 36 teams of 4 people is a whole different animal. $5 a person gets somewhere close to 37 cases of the BEAST. And what does that mean.........people get fucked up, and a bit angry. Either way a good time was had by most. In good news however Wild Card and The useless chick managed to cock block each other. Yes that's right they took turns cock blocking each other. And that is not good when The Animal appears in the useless chick. Yes he was in full animal mode.

For those wondering what full animal mode is. Well it's when he wants some poon, wants to ravage twat persay. The animal is not concerned with looks, even though this particular victim was a good one..... he will stick it in anything with a vagina. But this marks the first time he has been cock blocked.

And you might wonder how he got cock blocked. Well it was a purposeful cock block orchestrated by wild card. wild card and two other persons went up to the useless chick and licked the side of his face and then made him come with them. Yes those raging homos licked the side of his face............ yep that happened.

As for my night...... just got drunk. Nothing too exciting but there is a party tonight so I'll be sure to use my favorite motto..... GET DRUNK AND KICK SHIT.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Daysball (SP)

Wild card really pulled a fattie out of his pants this time. He currently believes that baseball games during the day vs. night is one of the greatest things alive. He also currently believes that he will win the presidency for the United States running on the theme of Daysball. There are many flaws with this plan my dear brother. Besides for the obvious reasons, I will point out a few things you may not have thought of. Firstly, you have to be 35 years of age in order to run for president and we all know you're probably not going to live past 30 (no offense). Secondly you wet the bed. I can't find a reason why this would stop you from becoming president, but it is against our social system set in place and it is "uncool". This phenomenon "daysball" is one of the most unappealing, self-righteous, indignified, homogenious, purposeless, menstral ideas I personally have ever heard of and regret to inform you that you are amazing despite this idea.
-Looks

Monday, September 7, 2009

Buckets with Gin in them

There is nothing wrong with a Gin Bucket; there is however something very wrong with the people that drink it. I cannot think of a better way to cap off four straight days of heavy drinking than almost drowning in a bucket full of cheap gin. This wonderful creation allows for not only the individual to have a great time just being shit-fuck drunk but also for great stories like The Useless Chick once again fucking some poor creature in the Petri dish of a room in one of the most disgusting basements I've ever seen this probably leading to the creation of an entirely new STD, so congrats to him. So all in all it was a good night and a great weekend. And I fully support another Gin Bucket in the near future.

In Support of Gin Buckets

There is nothing wrong with a Gin Bucket. If you and your friends ever feel like hey man I feel like gettin real real drunk, then make a Gin Bucket. It's pure gold for getting shit slammed. Either way I do have to confess it did make me feel like I was the Muscle not the Brains seeing as I slammed a man against a door while holding his throat. But don't worry kids, "The Brooks" is done at this house. If you get slap happy drunk and someone else is slap happy, I can guarentee the truth will come out, and it did.

On a good note I learned that liquor will guarentee me my room when "The Animal" comes out and the useless chick decides its time to fuck some broad. By the way the useless chick is my roommate and not a chick whatsoever. If I drink Liquor I will pass out early enough to not have to give up the room for the animals vag poundings.

So after a night of committing assault and battery along with passing out early in the midst of a party...........I'm still pro gin bucket.